In my 20's I dated a gal who was a MASTER manipulator - I mean, looking back I'm impressed - sincerely - at her ability to think out social chess moves and execute them, while forming a narrative/perception of what happened.
She also went to a **very** feminist college - and I think it did serious damage to her - she was affirmed she never the bad person, only the victim. Her ability to rationalize double standards, I'm sure already prevalent in her psyche, but she had it formalized and backed up by policy and academic impetus.
My doc program was super feminist, social deconstructionist, subject experience is as if not more important than objective reality and very men and boys bashy. Yet, here I am, an adherent to none of that toxic rubbish. I thought it was crazy then, and still do.
Your ex had/has agency. Sounds like she chose a program that supported/pandered to her nascent belief system.
Her program was economics - honestly, and I'm being objective not mean, but while she was certainly bright, she was not Tier 1 - but her talents were self-promotion and networking.
Her dad was literally an econ prof - and her minor was a language her mom spoke at home. So ... long before she got there she was prepped, and frankly, econ is NOT a hard major.
I won't go into more detail here - for obvious reasons - but what I learned while at [x] college was what I got from observation - and there was NOTHING about agency, accountability, nor critically judging women with the same lens they tear apart men with.
Let's compare West Point to [x] College - West Point was set up to "take the product of the American home" - at the time purely boys/men - and KNOWING that men had certain traits, work on their students development. Boys can be emotionally brusque, are generally not as verbally nimble, use aggression to motivate and solve problems etc etc. They take those traits, channel them, give them outlets and direction - AND - IMPORTANTLY when the extreme version of male behavior rears its ugly head the punishment is swift and harsh.
Meanwhile [x] college does almost none of that. "All women are different' (no sh!t - but that does not negate overlap!) - a complete lack of accountability for bad actions, and no discouragement of bad behaviors.
Very quickly here - if Jane says some very toxic and destructive things about Sue, NOTHING is done about it. If a man had said it he'd be lucky, according to their ideology, not to be expelled, but at best he'd be "re-educated" - his record would be marked, and he'd be under scrutiny until he left. Whereas at [x] college they sit the women down - separately - and let them both lie their asses off and blame the other gal, do no examination of who is lying, document NOTHING, and certainly do not punish the gals nor make them change their ways.
MOST women are not bad - even graduating from such a place - but my point is this - it's a training ground of "I'm the exception because reasons and feelings and vagina", and these gals hone their skills on the politics of personal destruction with no record kept.
Trust me - I literally grew up next to [x] College (2 miles down the road) - I could go on for hours about what a mad house that place was (1990's).
In my 20's I dated a gal who was a MASTER manipulator - I mean, looking back I'm impressed - sincerely - at her ability to think out social chess moves and execute them, while forming a narrative/perception of what happened.
She also went to a **very** feminist college - and I think it did serious damage to her - she was affirmed she never the bad person, only the victim. Her ability to rationalize double standards, I'm sure already prevalent in her psyche, but she had it formalized and backed up by policy and academic impetus.
Smith College? (Don't answer).
My doc program was super feminist, social deconstructionist, subject experience is as if not more important than objective reality and very men and boys bashy. Yet, here I am, an adherent to none of that toxic rubbish. I thought it was crazy then, and still do.
Your ex had/has agency. Sounds like she chose a program that supported/pandered to her nascent belief system.
If Smith College was a daughter, and she had a twin ...... (extrapolate from there)
Her program was economics - honestly, and I'm being objective not mean, but while she was certainly bright, she was not Tier 1 - but her talents were self-promotion and networking.
Her dad was literally an econ prof - and her minor was a language her mom spoke at home. So ... long before she got there she was prepped, and frankly, econ is NOT a hard major.
I won't go into more detail here - for obvious reasons - but what I learned while at [x] college was what I got from observation - and there was NOTHING about agency, accountability, nor critically judging women with the same lens they tear apart men with.
Let's compare West Point to [x] College - West Point was set up to "take the product of the American home" - at the time purely boys/men - and KNOWING that men had certain traits, work on their students development. Boys can be emotionally brusque, are generally not as verbally nimble, use aggression to motivate and solve problems etc etc. They take those traits, channel them, give them outlets and direction - AND - IMPORTANTLY when the extreme version of male behavior rears its ugly head the punishment is swift and harsh.
Meanwhile [x] college does almost none of that. "All women are different' (no sh!t - but that does not negate overlap!) - a complete lack of accountability for bad actions, and no discouragement of bad behaviors.
Very quickly here - if Jane says some very toxic and destructive things about Sue, NOTHING is done about it. If a man had said it he'd be lucky, according to their ideology, not to be expelled, but at best he'd be "re-educated" - his record would be marked, and he'd be under scrutiny until he left. Whereas at [x] college they sit the women down - separately - and let them both lie their asses off and blame the other gal, do no examination of who is lying, document NOTHING, and certainly do not punish the gals nor make them change their ways.
MOST women are not bad - even graduating from such a place - but my point is this - it's a training ground of "I'm the exception because reasons and feelings and vagina", and these gals hone their skills on the politics of personal destruction with no record kept.
Trust me - I literally grew up next to [x] College (2 miles down the road) - I could go on for hours about what a mad house that place was (1990's).
How would you suggest a counselor when my exwife is in the mental health field?
I wrote a series of articles on this a few years ago.
https://shrink4men.com/2021/03/01/couples-therapy-with-a-narcissist-and-anti-male-bias/
https://shrink4men.com/2020/07/03/couples-therapy-with-narcissists-and-borderlines/
https://shrink4men.com/2020/07/13/couples-therapy-with-narcissists-and-borderlines-part-2/
I appreciate your time