Narcissistic, borderline or histrionic personality disordered or traited exes often have very peculiar ways of asking for help and favors. Peculiar as in entitled and antagonistic, with ample guilt, blame and shame trips. These requests are usually delivered passive-aggressively or straight up aggressively.
I've lost count of how many emails clients have shared with me from a NPD, BPD or HPD ex over the years that go something like this:
"You're never here for me and the kids. Everything's you're fault! The kids can't go to influencer camp because you don't give me enough money!!!!" [Not true - child support and spousal support are paid like clockwork].
"You're an unempathic narcissist!!!!! Now I'm with a real man and I've NEVER BEEN HAPPIER!! He knows how to love an empath like me!!!!!" [Snort.]
"I never should've married you, you deadbeat POS! Since you always let me and the kids down and DO NOTHING for them, you need to cosign my new car lease, give up your vacation time with kids because I booked non-refundable tickets to DisneyWorld without asking you AND the kids want a pony!!!!!"
Sometimes all you can do is laugh. Or, to borrow a southern expression, bless their hearts. On a separate note, is influencer summer camp a thing now? I made that one up.
Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
I help individuals with relationship and codependency issues via telephone, FaceTime, GoogleMeet or Skype. Since 2009, I’ve specialized in helping men and women break free of abusive relationships, cope with the stress of ongoing abuse and heal from trauma. I combine practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. If you’d like to schedule an initial consult, please email me directly at shrink4men@protonmail.
My borderline wife doesn’t ask for things. Instead, it’s, “I need that pan.” “I’ll take a cookie.” “The dishwasher needs to be emptied.” “You can rub my feet.” But almost never will she say, “Will you ______ please?” I’ve brought it to her attention and the closest she will come is “Would you be willing to ______,” which is close but not quite. What is the dynamic that explains this?