Their lips are moving — ba dum tss!
Most narcissists, borderlines and histrionics won’t do you the courtesy of admitting you’ve caught them in a lie. Nor will they explicitly admit that your recounting of events is accurate rather than their revisionist victim tales (see Prince Harry) Nevertheless, they do have “uh-oh-damn you, you got me” signs or tells.
When this occurs, the NPD, BPD or HPD will give some kind of stare or look, or high velocity, emotional reasoning diarrhea word salad.
These tells come in different varieties. For example:
- The deer caught in headlights silent blank stare. “Crickets.” And then they pretend like the self-own never happened.
- The hostile eye daggers stare that seems to say, “I’m pissed because you got me and I can’t think of a lie or way to twist the situation around to play victim right now. But rest assured you’ll pay for this later.”
- The self-pitying hurt child silent blank stare. Extra points for a pouty, quivering lower lip.
- The sociopathic smirk silent blank stare. This one is the most chilling, in my opinion. For example, Alex Murdaugh.
-The playing dumb blank stare. This is often used in combination with gaslighting, concern trolling and/or playing cutesy little girl or cutesy little boy.
- The change the subject by bringing up unrelated and irrelevant points word salad. In other words, derail, tangent and distract.
- The “What about when you . . .” what about-ism word salad, which is another derail and distract tactic.
- The “Here’s why I’m really the victim and you should apologize to me” word salad. Otherwise known as “flipping the script.”
- The new age Facebook meme word salad incorporating false equivalencies with generous sprinklings of terms like empath, unconditional love, validation, honoring my feelings and the perennial bullshit My Truth™.
- The “You’re emotionally abusing me by using facts and logic” word salad.
- Tell more lies on top of previous lies on top of the original lies word salad.
-The have an adult toddler temper tantrum word salad.
Narcissists, borderlines and histrionics have other responses to being exposed as liars, but these are the most common in my experience. After some time passes, the NPD, BPD or HPD usually claims not to remember anything about you accurately describing their behavior or making an irrefutable point. They may even claim the conversation never happened at all (i.e., gaslighting).
They remember alright. And, they will retaliate.
Nevertheless, cherish these blank stare word salad days! They’re the closest thing you’re ever going to get to accountability and an admission of wrong doing. Then, run for cover because HOW. DARE. YOU!!!!!!!
Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
I help individuals with relationship and codependency issues via telephone, FaceTime, GoogleMeet or Skype. Since 2009, I’ve specialized in helping men and women break free of abusive relationships, cope with the stress of ongoing abuse and heal from trauma. I combine practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. If you’d like to schedule an initial consult, please email me directly at shrink4men@protonmail.