In NPD, BPD, HPD-speak this means, “I have to share 50/50 physical custody, no alimony, he gets to keep the house because it’s a premarital asset and I can’t pay the mortgage and minimal child support! Not fair! Waaagh!!!”
No sweetheart, you didn’t get screwed. This is what most rational adults call fair. Even-steven. It's also about as close to fair as most dads can ever hope to get.
A narcissist, borderline or histrionic believes they “got screwed” if they:
Don’t get a bigger slice of pie (e.g., majority custody, more marital assets than they contributed to the marriage).
Don't get away with their lies and other depravities without accountability or consequence.
Don’t get special recognition, accolades and other rewards without doing the work. For example, being seen as an expert for their opinions absent any actual scholarship and working in a specialty field. Or, as I like to say, just because you’ve been a passenger on an airplane doesn’t mean you’re qualified to fly one (regardless of how much YouTube research you may have done).
Have to play by the same norms, rules and laws the rest of us mere mortals abide by because it’s what keeps civilization civil.
So, if your NPD, BPD or HPD partner or ex is caterwauling about life being unfair or getting screwed, it likely means they’ve experienced accountability, consequences and/or managed to accidentally stumble upon a two-way street with no double standards.
Abuse has no gender.
Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
I help individuals with relationship and codependency issues via telephone, FaceTime, GoogleMeet or Skype. Since 2009, I’ve specialized in helping men and women break free of abusive relationships, cope with the stress of ongoing abuse and heal from trauma. I combine practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. If you’d like to schedule an initial consult, please email me directly at shrink4men@protonmail.